We’re hours away from an extended weekend that ends with the holiday that defines Summer in America, the Fourth of July. There will be parades, cookouts, and of course, fireworks. There’s likely a lack of focus for many Americans today, so I figured this week, I’m going to have a little fun.
Many of our favorite Green Bay Packers players will probably be celebrating with their families or friends in different parts of the country. There are only a few weeks left before the start of training camp, so they’re savoring every off day they get before it starts. But what if they were all in Green Bay and had to celebrate as a team? What might that cookout look like? What roles would our favorite players play? It’s time to find out. I give you the Packers Fourth of July Cookout!
The Host: Aaron Rodgers
He’s the leader of the team. He’s going to be asking each of them to follow him onto the field of battle this year. And let’s be honest, with a $42M salary this season, he better be hosting. Aaron Rodgers welcomes his old teammates and new, into his home to set an example before the season begins.
The Chef: Aaron Jones
I don’t know whether or not Aaron Jones is a master of the grill. However, the running back recently opened his own restaurant “Showtyme Sports Grill” in El Paso, so if he can’t get the job done, he could probably fly in his staff to cater the event for him. Either way, Jones will be handing out food to his teammates wearing a Red, White, and Blue sombrero because, why not?
Eats the most: AJ Dillon
I know what you’re thinking. With twenty-three 300+ pound linemen on the team, I chose the 247-pound running back? If you follow AJ Dillon on Twitter, you’re well aware that he is a man of the Wisconsin people. He loves to post about the garlic parm wings at AC Tap in Door County. As well as all the other great food that area offers. He even recently started a food-focused Instagram with his wife called “Dining with the Dillons” so in that case, I think Dillon would hold his own at this cookout and maybe edge-out the linemen with the most plates devoured.
Drinks the most beer: David Bakhtiari
Well, obviously. The court-side beer chugging Offensive Lineman takes this title without a doubt. Will anyone step up to the challenge to de-throne him? I’d like to think perhaps some of his linemen teammates will rise up to match him. I’m looking at you, Cole Van Lanen, do your fellow Wisconsinites proud! But until then, I hope D-Bak’s wife, Frankie is holding on to his keys for the ride home.
Wearing an American-Flag romper: Jaire Alexander
Okay, it was hard to type that one with a straight face. I never understood rompers until I had children and realized how easy it is to dress a baby in one for hot weather. And then they made them for men. As I sip on a glass of brandy and a glass of beer typing this article, I think you’d have to get 4-5 more of these in me before I’d wear a romper. But if there’s one guy on the Packers I think would do it, it’s Jaire Alexander. Jaire has always had a knack for looking the most fashionable on the team, and that includes his interview sunglasses. So, wearing the Patriotic almost-onesie has to be Jaire.
Almost burning his face off with fireworks: Preston Smith
Lastly, we have the classic Fourth of July fireworks incident. Now I’m not saying this is a dim-witted individual by any means. If this happens at this Packers cook-out, I think it’s going to be from just having fun. Preston Smith is always smiling, often is joking and just having a good time with his teammates. If this incident happens it will likely be from a dare, or a game of chicken for who runs away last. Of course, he gets away injury free, and they all have a good laugh.
This has been the Packers Fourth of July Cookout. I hope you all have a great weekend and holiday. If you’re playing Aaron Rodgers and hosting, I hope you have enough beer to satisfy your own David Bakhtiari, or enough food to feed your own AJ Dillon. But most of all, stay safe everyone. Happy 4th!
Greg Meinholz is a lifelong devoted Packer fan. A contributor to PackersTalk as well as CheeseheadTV. Follow him on Twitter at @gmeinholz. for Packers commentary, random humor, beer endorsements, and occasional Star Wars and Marvel ramblings.
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