Aaron Rodgers – renowned Ayahuasca enthusiast and (former?) Green Bay Packers quarterback – is headed to the black hole.
No, not the Las Vegas Raiders. To come to a decision about his football future, presumably release some spiritual angst and potentially have a DMT-like experience, Rodgers is locking himself away in complete darkness for four straight days. At the time of this post, Rodgers is on day two of the retreat.
To be fair, that does sound more enjoyable than heading to Vegas to join Josh McDaniels and his dysfunctional Raiders squad.
You didn’t think your future Hall-of-Fame quarterback could get any weirder, did you, Packers fans? Well, prepare to hold your breath a little longer as Rodgers holds the franchise and us all in eager suspension for just a bit longer.
Feast your eyes on the next evolution of Rodgers’ descent into his post-football, hippie lifestyle. As you may have already heard – no, none of this is a joke. In fact, it’s a practice that has existed for generations.
The experience of a “dark retreat” is practiced in some branches of Tibetan Buddhism. The idea is that, after depriving the senses for so long, the practitioner “plunges into a deep witnessing awareness of the mind, and eventually experiences the perception of the inner light of pure Consciousness,” according to The Hermitage, an organization dedicated to dark retreats.
Yes, everyone on the website looks exactly how you’d expect. I think Rodgers will fit in nicely.
The possibilities of what Rodgers will find his consciousness yearning for are endless. Maybe he’d like to place 3rd in the AFC West next season and join the Raiders. Maybe his visions will show a distinct shade of green – not Green-Bay green, maybe like, New York Jets green? Maybe he wants to lose in the Wild Card wearing a slightly different shade of green.
Maybe by day two or three of essentially being dead, he’ll decide the next step is to follow in the footsteps of greats Brett Favre and Tom Brady. Nope, not stealing charity money. No, not receiving so much plastic surgery that you start wearing a perpetual fish face. No, not even winning another Super Bowl.
I’m thinking more along the lines of retiring and then unretiring a month later, just as poor Jordan Love finally faces the reality of getting meaningful NFL playing time. I didn’t even have to kill my senses to come up with it.
Seriously though, if you have to go through what seems like pretty intense meditation to figure out if you want to play football or not, maybe you just don’t want to play football anymore. As someone who has truly been such a big Rodgers fan throughout his incredible career – it’s time to move on.
I just watched 27-year-old Patrick Mahomes and 24-year-old Jalen Hurts exchange blows in an epic Super Bowl matchup of powerhouse teams. The NFL is currently brimming with young talent at quarterback. Whether it’s Jordan Love or someone else in the future, I’m ready to rebuild with a young quarterback. I want one. Can I please have one, Aaron?
As we speak, Rodgers is meticulously exploring the deep, dark depths of his consciousness. Who really knows what conclusions he’ll come to, after all is said and done through his spiritual journey?
I do. He’s running it back with the Packers in 2023.——————