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You gotta know when to hold em. Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run. Legendary chicken impresario Kenny Rogers first sang these prophetic words in 1978. And either you know these words by heart or you are a liar. Hell, The Gambler has become such a well-worn American…


Gentlemen prefer blondes. At least, that’s what they say. Now, I am certainly no gentleman, but, I always adhered to this statement anyway. At least, I did until August 6, 2006. Throughout my long and not particularly illustrious dating career, most the gals I went with (went with? good hell? who am I, Jimmy Freaking…


Nicolas Cage is a weird guy. Strike that. Nicolas Cage isn’t just weird–He is an all time weird mother fornicator (Trying my best to keep it clean–My mother in law reads this.). If there was a weirdo Hall of Fame, he would be a first ballot entry. He starred in a movie about snuff films.…


The Simpson have gotten a lot right in their 34 years on TV, but one of their most prescient points came in the Hank Scorpio episode, in which, upon moving to a new town, Bart Simpson’s wisecracking finally catches up with him and gets him booted from his new school’s general population, and relegated to…


Crime and punishment. Cause and effect. The scientific assessment noting a relationship between actions or events such that one or more are the results of the other or others. You speed in a school zone. You get caught. You pay a fine. You spend Friday night snuggled up with a bottle of Jack Daniels, you…


My wife hates taking me grocery shopping. It’s not because she dislikes my company (for the record, I am delightful!). It’s mostly because of my expensive tastes (it takes a lot of premium unleaded to power this 250 pound dump truck). My wife is notoriously cheap. She is a bottom shelf bagged cereal and generic…