Packers Week 9: Toasts and Roasts

This was labeled a game that could “right the ship.” But that ship instead decided to travel up the coast of Michigan in shallow water and completely tear up the hull. Now we have no idea if the ship can still float, or if it’s just going to sink. The Packers Week 9 defeat to the Detroit Lions, was just, terrible. And it leaves us wondering, is that it?

What I think angered me the most about this game, is that I had such confidence that we really would pull out a win. I felt that we looked a bit better in Buffalo, so surely, we’d knock off a 1-6 Lions team. Then I watched the game and felt every bit like I was watching a horror movie unravel in front of my eyes that I practically knew was happening all along.

This is the 5th week in a row I have to pull out Toasts and Roasts after a loss. I wish I could do them with a little more happiness, but alas, it just hasn’t been meant to be. Let’s get to this unfortunately, short list.

Toasts

The Packers Defense

Say what you want. But this defense had to endure huge momentum swings in the first half and still only allowed 8 points which came in the last three minutes. Come the second half they got the interception their first Defensive drive putting the Offense near the red zone to start. The Offense then had a 3rd interception immediately after, but the defense still held Detroit’s offense to basically a 3 and out the next drive. The Packers defense played winning football Sunday holding Detroit to only 15 points, the Offense just didn’t return the favor.

For the Packers Defense I’m toasting a good ole Guinness Draught from Guinness Brewery. Guinness is always a good beer to order wherever you are. It’s smooth, creamy, hoppy-ness is second to none. It really is just a solid beer to enjoy when you need it. It might not be blowing people away, but it’s just a great beer that gets the job done.

Guinness is fitting for the Packers Defense because they had some good moments. The forced turnovers on downs and the Jaire Alexander interception were those very smooth moments. The fact that they held to only 15 points just made them a solid Defense on Sunday. A shame they didn’t get much compliment.

Roasts

Aaron Rodgers

Yes, I’m straight into the roasts. Aaron Rodgers makes his not-so-triumphant return to the column this week after the first 3 interception game he’s had since 2017. The first pick, was thrown directly into a defender’s helmet at the goal line, and then caught for an INT. Who does Rodgers think he is? Shane Falco? Maybe Aaron’s love for Keanu Reeves led him to want to re-create that moment from the Replacements movie. Unfortunately for Aaron, unlike the movie a defender caught the ball and not a Packers Offensive Lineman to run it in for the comical touchdown.

Maybe after that, Aaron was upset an Offensive Lineman didn’t score, so he ran a play at the goal line to pass it to David Bakhtiari. You know, to avenge his previous pick and still (in the words of John Madden) “see a fat guy score.” But guess what, that pass was thrown ridiculously short when Bakhtiari was wide open and intercepted yet again. Rodgers later would pay back a defensive interception with yet another pick. Not to mention all the under and overthrown balls, but that could take me all day and night. Let’s just get to the roasting beer.

Aaron, you are being roasted with an Icehouse Light. This beer just gets a “what are you doing?” It’s like an overly carbonated bottle of melted icicle that was hanging off a vat of another beer that likely would be on my roast list. Most have called this beer practically tasteless. It’s just, not good.

Mr. Rodgers, Sunday you were an Icehouse Light. I’m not sure to who, or to where you were throwing that ball most of game, but it just didn’t pan out. The funny thing is, later you threw an absolute dime on the Allen Lazard touchdown, and your pocket scrambling was that of vintage Aaron Rodgers. So maybe the icicle that dripped off into your beer bottle Sunday was hanging off a pretty good beer. But it was still, just bad. We want good beer Aaron Rodgers back.

The Injury Bug

This team just keeps being bit by the injury bug and it was much worse on Sunday. Nine players either left the game and didn’t return or had some injury at some point in the game. Romeo Doubs and Aaron Jones left with ankle injuries. Eric Stokes left with an ankle, and knee injury. Rashan Gary, left with a knee injury. And lastly, concussions took Christan Watson, and Krys Barnes out of the game. That’s just mentioning those that didn’t finish the game. Part of me can’t help but question if Doubs and Watson didn’t leave this game early basically depleting an already thin WR group, had the game gone different? We’ll never know.

How do I assign the injury bug a beer? I know, assign it the reigning “Worst beer in the World” Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer. Oh yes, this beer is what it sounds like. There is actually a chili pepper in the beer bottle. It’s been described as tasting like the worst chili you’ve ever had, with just so much unnecessary spice. It then sticks around with an absolutely awful aftertaste making you wish it never happened.

I think Crazy Ed’s Chili Beer is a great comparison to the injury bug. No one wants it. It is absolutely awful and leaves you wishing you never had it. Anyone who did want it, has to be crazy. Hopefully our guys can stay away from the Chili Beer in the future and these injuries don’t continue to pile up.

In the end

This game was extremely painful to watch. The Packers week 9 matchup was supposed to be a “let’s turn this around” moment and instead it feels like we just got taken behind the barn and had our fate sealed.

We move on to Dallas next Sunday in Mike McCarthy’s return to Lambeau Field. He has to be licking his lips at the chance to wound his former team even more. In a time where it’s tough to have hope, we just have to. Hopefully we can pull of a win, and I’ll be talking more about good beers next week than bad.

Greg Meinholz is a 24/7/365 Packers fan. When he’s not spending time with his family, he can be found meditating in his Packers shrine with a good beer. You can follow him on twitter at @gmeinholz.

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