We are entering the slowest part of the year for NFL happenings. Aside from a few rookie contract disputes, and unfortunate injury news, the league goes quiet until we get deeper into the summer. With that being said it seems like the perfect time to examine the division as a whole, in particular, examining the rest of the NFC North post draft. Not by how they improved. Or by any metric from the year prior. Instead, I will be employing an extremely scientific, data driven methodology to examine the reasons why Packers fans should hate each of the other teams in the NFC North.
For each team, a brief description of why they are the worst will be provided. Also included will be the easiest player to root against on each team, and most importantly, why they are a lesser franchise compared to the Packers.
The Detroit Lions
For a long time the Lions were simply the team you pitied. Unable to get the front office right, or the coaching right, or the roster right and often all three at once. Even the start of the Dan Campbell era was a bit rocky. But against all odds they seem to have figured it out. Campbell has built a new culture, the GM has hit on the right moves and the roster is one of the deepest in the NFL. They’ve won the NFC North! I’d be happy for Lions fans (and I live amongst many) if not for the fact that they immediately pivoted into being just the worst.
Lions fans have classic “new money” syndrome. They’re good suddenly, but have no idea how to act like sane people any longer. They’ve taken the success of the past two seasons – an NFC Championship trip where they blew a three score lead, and getting waxed in the divisional round by the Washington Commanders of all teams, and have somehow convinced themselves that they are the pinnacle of the league.
This year will mark a big turning point for the franchise. The team is undergoing one of it’s first “brain drain” seasons in franchise history after losing both coordinators, and is coming off a draft with some questionable picks. Hopefully they resume being terrible post haste.
Worst Player: Kirby Joseph. When Dan Campbell arrived he famously spoke about biting off knee caps. Joseph apparently takes that to heart as he can’t go more than a few games without trying to take out an opposing players knee. Just the worst.
Why the Lions Are a Lesser Franchise: Have never won a Super Bowl. Have never made a Super Bowl. Drove two of the best ever at their positions to retire rather than play more football for them. They play in a dome. Gave Matt Patricia money to be their head coach. 0-16. Dan Orlovsky. “Completing the Process”.
The Chicago Bears
Bears vs Packers. One of the oldest rivalries in sports. I use the term rivalry loosely because when you go 3-17 over the last decade it isn’t really a rivalry. The Bears are the guy that peaked in high school. 1985 is their varsity jacket. Every year is the same cycle – Bears fans will crow that they once again won the offseason. The new quarterback, coach, GM can’t wait to tell you that its finally the Bears time to run the NFC North. Then actual games start, the roster isn’t as good as they thought, and suddenly it’s all about how this is just set up for next season.
The Bears have the classic “Little Brother syndrome”. Every time a new coach or GM takes the podium for the first time, they become incapable of not talking about the Packers. Beating Green Bay gets mentioned more than getting the team back to the playoffs, or another Super Bowl, or even just being good. Their fans on social media are the same – you can go search out the most obscure Packers writer on the planet, and the second they post a story you’ll find multiple Bears fans in the comments telling the author that it’s the Bears time.
Once again this season the Bears are ready to take over the NFC North with their new messiah Caleb Williams. After “the best rookie season in team history” which was not actually great and resulted in a whopping five wins, the Bears have reset the coaching staff and this time it’s going to work. Just watch, it’ll be different this time. Seriously. This is the year. Trust them.
Worst Player: Jaylon Johnson. If the Bears franchise could be distilled into a single player, it would be Johnson. Never stops talking about how this is the year the Bears surpass Green Bay, and when it doesn’t happen, tells everybody “just wait ’til next year”
Why The Bears Are A Lesser Franchise: The last 30 years. The inability to find a quarterback. 2010 NFC Championship. Jay Cutler. Mitch Trubisky. Justin Fields. Their ownership. The Double Doink. “I still own you”. Matt Nagy. Mark Trestman. John Fox. 4th & 8.
The Minnesota Vikings
The Vikings are the team I dislike the most in the division. The Vikings don’t have the history of the Bears. They don’t have the decades long ineptitude that made the Lions endearing either. They just kind of exist. They’ve made multiple Super Bowls but never won. They occasionally win the division, only to get immediately smacked in the face in the playoffs. At the end of the day the Vikings are the text book definition of “good but not great”
So why do I dislike them so much? Because they act as though they haven’t been the most forgettable team in the NFC North for twenty years now. They don’t have the history that the Packers and Bears do, they don’t have the lovable loser quality that they Lions did for so long. The Vikings simply exist without a single memorable season in years, and they trash talk like they’ve won 4 Super Bowls and not lost every single one they’ve ever been to. They celebrate injuring opponents. They aren’t anyone’ rival, but somehow everybody dislikes them.
Last season they were classic Vikings. 14-3! Surely this led to some memorable playoff success. Nope, just another forgettable loss to a better franchise. This year they’re rolling out their new QB that they definitely have a ton of faith in, and weren’t secretly looking to hedge against with a veteran QB option. I’m sure they’ll put out another memorable season.
Worst Player: Jordan Addison. Call an Uber man.
Why the Vikings Are A Lesser Franchise: Super Bowl failures. Boat Parties. The dumb Skol chant. Celebrating injuries in newspapers. Constantly grabbing Packers cast offs. The Rams game. The dumb Skol chant. They play in a dome. Seriously what the hell is Skol? That time they forgot to make a draft pick.
